How can we truly engage?

Session host: Sydette Harry
Reporter: Samantha Shotzbarger
Participants: Mitch Fantin
Ben Dejournette
Amalia Alacon
Marissa Grass
Nathan Stevens
Emmalee McDonald
Jim Cyngels
Jordyn Holman
Ed Madison
Bruce Poinsette
Linda Miller

The Knot excercise:
Constant communication

  • verbal
  • leading and following

TRUST

  • need to know: whose hand are you holding?

-“It was easier for someone else to see what I needed than for me to see it”

  • Trusting that someone was telling you the truth
  • Maintaining connection
  • What are the things that make a good engagement?
  • What about the bad?

GOOD:

  • doesn’t have to go smoothly
  • how do two conflicting perspectives meet?
  • listening essential
  • safe space
  • Have some rules of engagement

— lack of rules can cause confusion or frustration

  • “everyone means well, but we have the potential to mess it up.”
  • good conversation often occurs when seeking to understand, not necessarily to be understood.

HOW DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL?

  • slightly uncomfortable
  • build shared understanding
  • “I wonder if I’m talking too much”
  • connected
  • Eureka moment!

WHAT WOULD HELP GOOD CONVOS AND ENGAGEMENT?

  • What do you need:
  • establish own boundaries
  • context: where the conversation happens matters

–may affect choice

  • not asking questions on behalf of a large group

Media perspective: always looking for a representative
–should give power to set parameters in engagement
-ask for permission “what do you want to be identified as”

  • need a physically comfortable space
  • “I always meet in a park”
  • neutral spaces
  • hostile areas/ what happens when an entire area is hostile?

— ONLINE? WHO OWNS THAT SPACE?

  • easier to identify a physical area
  • “30th person to ask” fatigue

options can be difficult in digital arena

  • another place easy to exit from though

The third option: EFFECTIVE conversation

TAKEAWAYS:

  • Choices
  • Context
  • Conversations as equals
  • honor, intention addressing the impact
  • Rules of engagement
  • Some feel fulfilled/ taken from
  • neutral and safe spaces in-person and online
  • empathy
  • space for an exit
  • asking permission to engage in a conversation
  • “Is it ok for you?” “Can we go there”

— or “nope. not today.”

  • boundaries